Anticipatory Aggression (read: Doha Driving)

One of my friends referred to driving in Doha as "anticipatory aggression"

I find I like this expression. At times frightening, at other times thrilling, Doha driving has improved my overall skills behind the wheel. Occasionally, I feel like I'm in a video game.
I have learned the following:

1. I can now change lanes without checking the blind spot with massive head motion as I am constantly checking all mirrors to look for oversized land cruisers or hummers approaching or bearing down on me at 145 km/hr (around 90 miles/hr) in all lanes.
2. While checking mirrors constantly, I also somehow manage to keep my eyes focused ahead for men dashing across the road in front of me, other vehicles swerving into my lane when the cars in theirs are moving too slow or crashing, and construction cones or potholes that appear suddenly and without warning.
3. Although now not afraid to use my horn to suggest others not side-swipe or bump me while merging or changing lanes in traffic circles, I have also developed the use of "alternative signals". When I want to merge, I toss my long blond hair, signal "stop" with my right or left hand depending on my target, and gently merge while smiling at the other driver. If needed, I'll roll down the window in order to toss the hair out and smile.
4. I am no longer afraid to drive up a shoulder or over a curb if needed in my tiny Mitsubishi lancer. Although this may seem rude or like I'm a careless rule-breaker, it really is the norm here, and I'm confident it has saved me hours of time stuck in traffic.
5. The use of flashing high beams (brights). Drivers flash brights either to A) let you know you are going too slow and to get the #$%# out of their way, B) to let you know that you may merge into their lane, or C) to warn you that there is no chance they will allow you to merge into their lane. Understandably confusing, the key is knowing which suggestion they are making. Believe it or not, it has slowly become second nature to me, and my interpretations are as follows:

• A) is obvious - a car approaching from behind flashing brights wants you to move out of their lane, no matter if the lane next to you is blocked or you are approaching astop anyhow.
• B) rarely happens, but is readable if the car is moving at a steady pace, stopped, or slowing down. Or, if you are female and the other driver is male, there is a good chance he'll let you in.
• C) If the other driver flashes brights and then aggressively moves forward 3 inches or so, glares at you, or speeds up - don't try it!

If you don't believe that these skills I've acquired might be helpful to me here, please read this address from OSAC, the Overseas Security Advisory Council, which inspired this post:

"Driving in Qatar is likened to participating in an extreme sport; drivers often maneuver erratically and at high speed, demonstrate little road discipline or courtesy, fail to turn on their headlights during hours of darkness or inclement weather, and do not use seat belts - all resulting in a high vehicular accident rate (in excess of 70,000 annually). In fact, traffic fatalities are Qatar's leading cause of death (estimates are in excess of 130 annual foreigner deaths and in excess of 300 annual Qatari deaths)."

Some of the favorite "maneuvers" I have witnessed:

• a land cruiser taking the roundabout at 150 km/hour on its two left wheels.
• when caught in heavy traffic due to road work, cars cutting across three lanes of traffic, hopping the median, and then cutting off cars in the opposite-moving lanes to escape.
• when left turn lanes are "too long", cars will go through the straight lane only to turn left, cutting off several others.
• Drivers so impatient that they will move into the median or shoulder, pass two cars, and then merge back in. They will do this repeatedly, whether stopped in traffic or not.
• When traffic slows or stops, many drivers will move into the side streets, traveling at two - two and a half times the speed they should in order to move up in the line of cars 100 meters or so.
  

I could really go on and on about this, and so I will stop now. I'm not sure which skills I will take home with me, but I hope not to terrify too many of you.
Doha Driving amuses us all endlessly, and I'm confident it will provide stories to tell for many years. The best part about the driving though....
although a generous police force exists, I've never heard of anyone being pulled over for traffic violations or given parking tickets. A camera may take a photo of your license plate if speeding, and a ticket will be mailed to you. That is all. Wild.

Chris Jones recently posted about parking in Doha, which is also entertaining.
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